Coming out is an intimate choice for each individual. It can be very anxiety-provoking to talk to a parent, friend, or a larger group. It’s a true feeling. Do not be concerned about what others will do. Don’t feel bad about changes or acceptance. It means you’re passionate about the people you’re surrounded by and the life you are attempting to create.
If you’re trying to figure out how to not feel anxiety when coming out, this is for you. Not to minimize what you’re feeling, but to help you move through it in a way that feels manageable.
Why Coming Out Feels So Overwhelming
The first step to not feeling anxious about coming out is understanding the reasons for that anxiety. Coming out is a vulnerable experience, and being vulnerable is not comfortable for many. You are being intimate with something, and you don’t know where it will go.
Some common reasons for anxiety:
- Worry about being rejected by those you care about.
- Not being aware of the dynamics of relationships.
- Being the sole decision-maker for a prolonged period of time
- Being concerned about what you might say during the conversation.
- There is doubt about the future award.
All of these are comprehensible. No one is saying it’s going to be bad, it’s just that it’s important to you.
There Is No Perfect Moment
There are many people who wait for the perfect time and then end up waiting for years. One way to NOT feel anxious when coming out is to accept that the ideal time is most likely never and move on.
You can do what you can—preparation is key:
- Select an environment which is safe and calming
- Begin with the person you feel most comfortable with
- Take your time on a conversation-by-conversation basis
- Understand that it will not be necessary to give a full account to anyone at once
“Coming out” is not a one-time experience. It is a process, and you can go through it at your own speed.
Managing Anxiety Before the Conversation
One of the hardest things is not feeling anxious when coming out hours or days before a conversation. You think of all the possibilities, and they’re all bad. Some things that truly assist:
- Make notes of what you want to say in advance, even if they’re not exact
- Play by ear, with a partner or with yourself
- Breathe slowly and deliberately just before you go to sleep
- Remind yourself that no matter what happens, you will be fine
- Be prepared for after—where to go, who to call
It’s perfectly normal to be nervous before a meaningful conversation. Not everyone should have it, but it doesn’t make it something you shouldn’t have. It means that you’re invested in the results!
What to Do If It Doesn’t Go as Hoped
Learning how to not feel anxious when coming out also involves preparing yourself emotionally that a reaction may not be what you sought. Not all reactions will be positive or accepting right away—some may need time to process, ask questions, and try to work through emotions.
When conversation doesn’t go well:
- Be patient and wait to see if the relationship is salvageable
- Get support from loved ones, friends, community and/or a counselor
- Be aware that another person’s response doesn’t reflect your value
- Realize that what they’re saying has more to do with them than you
One cannot determine reactions of others. Honesty and kindness in telling are the only things you can control!
Build Your Support System First
One of the most realistic solutions to not feeling anxious when coming out is to ensure that you’re not coming out alone. Having at least one or two people in your corner before coming out to people whose response you’re not sure about makes a difference.
This support could be in the shape of:
- A friend who is familiar with your situation and who supports you.
- A network of individuals, online or in the community with common experiences
- Someone who knows what you’re dealing with who is a therapist or counselor
- A support line to use when it’s particularly heavy.
You’re supposed to have people around you that make it not so lonely, and it’s not supposed to be done alone.
When Anxiety Starts Affecting Your Daily Life
How to not feel anxiety when coming out becomes a harder question when the anxiety is spilling into your sleep, your focus, and your day-to-day functioning. When it’s getting to be too much, it’s not weakness—it’s a sign that you need and deserve real support.
Struggling with anxiety around coming out could be connected to other more serious problems, such as depression or mental health issues. These can usually be sorted out with a professional’s aid. A psychiatrist or therapist who can provide a nonjudgmental and safe space can really help. It can help make coming out easier and generally help you feel better.
At Wevolve Behavioral Health, Dr. Wedline Rho offers caring, personalized psychiatric care. She assists with anxiety, depression and many other mental health problems. All individuals should be supported in a way that is non-judgemental and tailored to their needs. When life is harder than it should be due to anxiety, it is always a good choice to reach out.
Conclusion
How to not feel anxiety when coming out isn’t about making the nervousness disappear entirely. It’s just a matter of how to go around it. Preparation helps. Support helps. The more you make that journey in order to give yourself the grace of being gracious, the more you can.
Take your time, you’re not in a rush. You can select who you will inform and when. No matter what, your emotions are authentic, your identity is legitimate, and you are worthy of living authentically in a manner that feels good to you.
FAQs
Does it make sense to be anxious upon coming out?
Completely normal. If you’re feeling anxious in that situation, it’s very human—that’s an element of real vulnerability and uncertainty.
What can I do to keep my anxiety down going into the conversation?
Think, practice, take a breath and plan for anything else.
What about if the reaction is negative, though?
Be patient, lean on your support system, and remember that their response is about them and not you.
When do I need a professional’s help?
If the anxiety is interfering with sleep, concentration or life, it is a very beneficial and helpful step to talk to a therapist or psychiatrist.